Tina's Erotic Friend Fiction
by Mina41q
Summary: Me with the help of my sister have started to make Tina Belcher's Erotic Friend Fiction Series. Prepare for many adventures of zombies, love, and butts. One-Shots!
1. Zombie Butt Apocalypse

**Hey, so this is the first chapter of a horrible, horrible fanfic. This is mostly told in Tina's point of view as a series of one-shots. Some chapter will have a intro like this one in Tina's view. Oh God, what has my life come to?**

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~~~~~ZOMBIE BUTT APOCALYPSE~~~~~

 _Hot teenage boys have been running in the streets, biting people, eating them. It has started. The apocalypse._

The City Government had quarantined people from the outbreak, but I knew it wouldn't stop. I am Dr. Tina Hotbody, the lead scientist of the Zombiefacation field. When the news started blaring about zombies in the streets I called my team of scientists to Wagstaff Fort, a military base where I knew we would be safe.

The soldiers had boarded everyone inside the cafeteria, and started to pass out guns. A red-haired solider came to me. He was built like a body builder with buns from the heavens, he made he me feel weak at the knees **(AN: WHY DID I WRITE THIS!?)**. "Here you go ma'am," he said to me with a hot, lispy voice as he passed me an AK-47, "Is there anything else I could help you with?" he asked leaning into me.

"You could tell me your name," I said.

"I'm Lieutenant Jimmy Pesto," he answered, "and I'm here to help you with _anything_ you need."

"Could you come with me to the laboratories?," I flirted, "I need to run some _tests."_

XXX

One we got to the lab he pushed me on to the table. We started to make out. I grabbed his butt so hard and he grabbed mine. But, oh no! I forgot I had some of the zomibe virus in my pocket! The vile broke and he fell to the floor in pain.

"I'm turning!" He yelled.

"Don't worry!" I yelled, "I have the cure!"

"What is it?!"

"Love!"

I started to kiss him, feeling myself turn into the undead. Our- now- rotting hands held each other, then they broke away. To grab each others zombie butts. I saw the sparkles around us, warning me that we were about to fully turn.

"Grab harder!" I yelled with my scratchy voice, "We're almost turned!"

At that moment I squeezed his butt with all the love I could muster, and he mine. The sparkles disappeared with a bang leaving us making out on the floor, hands-on-butts, and hearts-in-hearts.

"Tina! You've saved us!" he thanked me.

"Nonsense, I'm just doing my job."

XXX

At the news that I found the cure people run into the streets to grab the zombies butts. I had won the Nobel Prize for my successes in the field. That just leaves my whirlwind love, Jimmy Pesto.

XXX

He was waiting for me outside of my lab.

"Jimmy, what are you doing here?"

"Looking for you, Tina. We need to talk."

"We are talking."

"Something went wrong when you cured me."

"What!?" I said alarmed.

"I'm still in love with you!", he said, tears had formed in his eyes.

"So I'm I," I said "Yours is the only butt I want to grab."

We started to make out. Our butts would be together forever...

* * *

 **Dear god, why?**


	2. Hippo-campus

**Hey. Finally got back to this. Apparently you can get writer's block while writing the most terrible things. Go figure. Also, if you don't know what a hippokampoi are, they're basically mermaid horses. The ultimate Tina fantasy.**

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~~~~~Hippo-campus~~~~~

My name is Tina, and I am the new girl at Beachtown High. The girls here are jealous because all the boys love me, and my body. But there is only one boy I care about. Or rather, merboy.

XXX

1 week earlier

"Stupid parents," I huffed. I never wanted to move, but my parents wanted to go for job reasons. After I unpacked my room I ran down to the beach to angst. No one was there, or so I thought. I went to the rocks to cry seductively to the wind.

Suddenly, arms wrapped around my head. And a soft voice said, "Don't worry, you'll be okay." I looked up and saw the most hot boy-toy I've ever seen.

He was shirtless, with rock hard abs. Long, gorgeous locks of ginger hair went down his shoulders. But when I looked down; there were no legs. But a tail!

XXX

I ran down to the beach again. Hot merman boy told me to meet him again. He wanted to take me to his collage. Then it occurred to me, I didn't know his name.

"Hey Tina!" I heard his lispy from the rocks, "let's go!"

He was riding on a dolphin close to the beach, sun glittering off of him. "Ehh-ehh-ehh," the dolphin cried as I mounted him.

"No, Julia! Tina's nice!"

"You name your dolphin Julia? That's My favorite name. " Now is my chance I thought. "Speaking of names what's yours?" I casually slipped in.

"Jimmy Seashell," he answered,"can we go now?"

XXX

When we got to his campus, I was so shocked at how pretty it was. With an open plan, A fountain except not because we were underwater and that would be impossible, and a giant mermaid horse statue in the middle, it was everything I imagined.

"That's the hippocampus statue," he answered my unsaid question,"we kinda use it as a joke for our campus." He looked at me with a joking smile.

"Get it, hippocampus"

"Yeah I got it the first time."

"Oh"

XXX

After we swam around a little bit and refilled my oxygen tank, we meet one of Jimmy's less attractive merman friends. His name was Zeke and he was definitely in love with my man.

"Hey Jay-Ju, wanna wrestle?!"

"No, Zeke. Not now!"

"Yeah Jimmy! Wrestle!" I added. I wouldn't mind some homoeroticy in a man.

Within seconds the two were on the ground, writhing and twisting. All in good fun.

XXX

The day had ended so fast. I had so much fun with Jimmy and his friends.

"I had so much fun with you and your friends!" I told him on the way back.

"You know, Tina." he looked like he was about to tell me something big, "You could always have this much fun."

"What do you mean?"

"I could turn you into a mermaid." he said.

"Yes! Do it!" I screamed!

"Are you sure," he looked worried,"you can't ever turn back?"

"Yes! I hate my life here and I love you!"

"I love you too!" he screamed.

"Then let's love together." I confessed to him.

I put my mouth on his and played water polo in his mouth. We made out for 27 minutes. My legs started to glow and sizzeld, I could feel

them turning into a tail.

XXX

I've lived as a mermaid for a long time now. I was happy with Jimmy. We've loved each other with all our merhearts. The only thing I regret

is nothing.

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 **Please give me any ideas if you have any. I would give you credit for this horrible embarrassment. Also, please give me innuendos if you have any, I'm not to good at making them. T_T**

 **P.S. Sorry this one wasn't like the last one. I got no help from my lazy sister who made the last one so horrible.**

 **Hey, I'm the lazey sister, also I made the last kissing scene.**


	3. To Tina the Wild West

**Sorry I haven't posted in forever, I don't care enough. I could give you long excuses like school, exams, moving, but I'm not going to. I'm just gonna be straight with y'all. Also, my little sister wrote it all from the 3rd section down. I gave her full range, you have been warned… I'm talking about the 4th section.**

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~~~~~To Tina The Wild West~~~~~

The sun rises over the vast, wild horizon. Tumbleweeds blowing in the baked, Texan air.

"Come along, boys!" I yell at my possie: Griffin, Matt, Alan, and Boo Boo. The "Boyz 4 Now Riders" as their former name, until they joined me, Tina the Trouble.

Wanted Signs plaster the small towns across this wild country, wanting me. 'Dead or Alive' they say, but that just keeps me running. I rob banks, steal cattle, but perhaps my biggest crime of all, was breaking Sheriff Jimmy Jr.'s heart. Boo Boo stays to watch me, I don't need him. I don't need any man.

"Ow!" I hear.

A stray cactus strikes Matt in the face. His eye bleeds the color of blood. Alan and Griffin rush to his side, leaving their horses behind.

"Dude, your eye is jacked up." says Alan.

"We need to get you to a doctor." Griffin says, forlorn to see his father figure bleeding out.

"Quick, I know the way!" I say

XXX

"Three years," I say to myself, in the sexy lispy voice that girls swoon over, "Three years since Tina broke my heart."

I, of course, am Sheriff Jimmy Junior of Cowboy Town. She was my cool, bootyful lover. She left when I refused to turn to a life of crime.

"Sheriff Jay-Ju!" says my Deputy Zeke, "She's back in town!"

I knew who he was talking about, Tina.

"I'm on my way!"

XXX

"His eye should be fine in 2-3 days," says Dr. Yap, town doctor...and town hottie.

Griffin was relieved, but I was scared. I should've never come back into town, Jimmy lives here.

"I should've never come back into town, Jimmy lives here." I say to my posse, regretting that I came with them.

"But we needed to get Matt help, you did the right thing." Alan protested."Besides, you are too cool of a gal to leave one of your own in pain."

"I guess that is true," I agreed. "I am a very considerate leader." I was one of the early feminists so I expressed that. "This is why women should be leaders, we care too much to leave anybody 's right, I'm talking to you politicians."

"Wait, what?" A confused Boo Boo said as I talked into the wall.

"Tina!" A booming said. I knew who it was, I would recognize That raspy, lispy, sexy voice anywhere. It was sheriff Jimmy Junior and his deputy Zeke.

XXX

"What were you riding for in the desert!" The sheriff was interrogating me. "There isn't anything out there!"

He was puzzled. He knew what kind of women I was, the strong, sexy, independent kind who gets what she wants. He knew I wouldn't be out there if I wasn't going to get something good. Too good.

"There isn't anything!" I lied. "I was riding to the next town!" I wouldn't go near this town for my life, but I would for something good, too good.

"I don't believe you!" He rasped.

He shoved me to the wall. He he pinned me with his hands and put his mouth on mine.

He was tender and firm, he sucked in spit. I licked the roof of his mouth. He had a retainer, I forgot.

My tongue poured blood, he sucked in spit. He backed away, blood pouring from both our mouths.

He left, that's all I needed for my plan.

XXX

Zeke came in the room the next morning, I had stayed up all night. My eyes had bags and I was pale. I had lost too much blood, my mouth was dripping.

"On my Mama's 50 year old boyfriend!" He yelled. "I need to go get " Then he left. My plan was going perfectly.

Zeke had left the door to my cell open. I slipped out and grabbed Zeke's keys and opened my boy's cells in the other room.

"Tina you saved us!" Said a half-blind Matt.

"Not just yet." I said to my team. I still needed five horses, maybe four, Griffin should have him on his horse. I also need everyone to slip out of town without anyone noticing.

XXX

As we walked out I saw Miss Tammy. Tammy was the town's booty call girl. She saw me, like a hunter she was lying in wait.

"I haven't seen you around these parts lately," I saw her crack a smile."but I've seen The Sheriff a whole lot more." She nasally cackled hysterically for a minute. No two, three? That is _way_ too long.

I waited for her to finish. Boo-Boo stepped up.

"Nobody talks to our lady like that." He stared at her fiercely.

"Boss these rough-tough guys are mixin' up your sto-ock." She sang. A shadow creeped out of the door behind her, it was huge.

Out came a small woman with spurs on her boots and a gun in her holster. She had a stout figure with dark pigtails. She had a hat, much like the one on my head, except it had ears on it.

Another lady came out, she had a short, round friend with a terrible haircut. The lady had long hair, red glasses and a long, slender body."Is there trouble, Lil' Lou-lou?"

"I sure hope not, you look a kind miss." She nodded at me and my boys."I am Louise, the owner of this here fine establishment, these are my… business partners. Here Tammy, it would seem you already know her."

She turned to the others, I almost didn't notice a girl behind me with golden hair and a side pony tail. " Here is Linda, Gina, and Jocelyn. I hope you don't mind Tammy, she always wants to stir up the town."

Boo-Boo was dumbfounded as he had been for the past five minutes. It seems he likes Louise.

"We ain't no trouble" I said, wanting to get out of this town. "We will just mosey on through.''

She complied with a simple nod of the head. After that ordeal me and my boys wanted to leave.

XXX

First for my plan, I went to the town stables. I know my way around there because I've been there often. Wink, wink.

They have likely taken the horses to the stables, and likely they are going to try and sell them.

"What is the plan Tina? Where are we?" Said an eye-patched Matt. I didn't have time for this.

"I'll tell you later. For right now, I need Griffin, Alan, and Boo Boo to grab a horse. Matt, you are riding with Griffen." I told them. Griffen blushed.

Jimmy caught up with us at the stables. He saw that I smacked Alan's butt when we walked in.

His face was red. "You were always my favorite." I said with a wink.

"TINA" He boomed, "Stop right now to be apprehended. And with him? That wimp of a man!"

"No." I calmly retorted, "Besides what do you care? He's my boy 4 now!" **(AN: Aaayyyyeee)**

I took the Sheriff's horse as he charged at me. He should stay put for a while.

We got the horses smoothly and rode out. I heard something behind us. Jimmy and Zeke were hot on our trail!

XXX

I needed to get it, the treasure I mean. It's just around these boulders.

A lispy shout called. "It's over Tina." He knew what I was after."Just stop!"

"You know that I can't, Sheriff." I yelled, "I can't until I have it."

We were riding so fast that I don't know how it happened. Shots fired, Zeke fell to the ground, some cacti did too.

Jimmy screamed and more shots fired. I needed the treasure."Keep riding, boys!" I commanded.

We turned the corner."NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" We 5 said. There was only a hole, no treasure at all.

XXX

My boys kept riding, I knew it was no use. The horse Jimmy is riding is the fastest horse I have seen, and I've seen a lot of horses, her name is Bolt.

I gave up, my boys set off into the sunset. I know not if I will ever see again, but I am his target.

He escorted me into town with my head down.

We took Zeke to Dr. Yap, apparently he had his ear-drum blasted but was fine. As for me, I never repented my sins. Jimmy Jr. still forgave me even though it was I who needed to forgive _him_.

The End.

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 **'Kay that's it! I know it's been a while, but I hope I made up for it. Thanks for commenting and faving. Now...comment review!**

Guest:

Good job. I was both disgusted and mortified. Can't wait for your next chapter:)

 **Aw, thanks! I wanted you to be ;)**

BELL SWINDLE:

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

 **Thank you, thank you so much. That was exactly what I was going for.**

 **Also, why did you add a period?**

Hanyouprincess3:

Please write more chapters. This was awesome. I always wondered what tina's other erotic friend fictions said. They've only given us a taste in the series and I'm hungry for more.

 **Thank you! This comment actually made me happy! But, the creators of Bob's Burgers did write a few Tina Friend Fiction comics. Check them out ;)**

Zarius:

She times how long they make out...god help us.

Great work...well...great as these kind of fics are capable of getting anyway...must...shower...

 **Haha lol XD**

margyar277:

Hot centaur!

 **Don't worry, I'm working on something ;)**

Guest:

This story made me smile. My idea is to make an another apocalypse story, like the zombie one but different. Like the sun hurling into the earth or Tina being the last woman on earth...or so she thinks!

 **OH! Thanks for the inspiration! I'll work on it after the centuar!**


	4. Centaur of Dental Care

**Me: "Fuck it's been so fucking long since I posted a fucking chapter fuck."**

 **Now it's here! Sorry :P**

 **This chapter was inspired by** **margyar277. Thanks!**

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~~~~~CENTAUR OF DENTAL CARE~~~~~

It was once apon a time, there was a land of four kingdoms: the kingdoms of Water, Earth, Air, and Boring People.

A young princess, having recently had her heart broken by a young hippocampus, fled from the sea into a forest and cried under a tree. An apple fell on her head and she yelled: "Stupid apple! Can't you see I'm heartbroken!"

She was mad that apples have anything to do with horsemen. _Why did this great land have to have so many horse-people?_ She thought, they all brought up memories of her equestrian lover; eating sea grain, riding in the shores, other romantic adventures.

Princess Tinath of Persuasia, a.k.a. Land of Boring People, has had many romantic partners. She has learned the Art of Persuasion since her birth, the ancient art of her people. The problem is, when you're seducing someone, they can't seduce you.

She cried, "I'll never find someone to find a long term monogamous relationship partner!"

Suddenly, she heard the clip-clopping of a semi-horse creature. Like the many she's seduced before.

"Are you okay, my lady?" The clear deep voice of a man, a real man, asked her. (Well, horse man.)

She turned around, "No-o, *sob* who are *sob* you?"

He gathered his long black hair in a ponytail (gettit). "I'm called Yap, Dr. Yap. You?"

She wiped her tears, "I'm Princess Tinath, I just had my heart broken."

"Aw, that sucks." He whipped his tail towards me, wiping my tears.

"Maybe I didn't." I move close to him, cornering him next to the tree.

"Wha-what are you doing?" he asked, kicking his front legs.

 _Step One: Corner Your Princess_ My brothers voice rang in my ear, _Step Two: Insult Your Princess_ "Nothing you cow."

"Uhh-," he raised his brow, "I'm half-horse."

 _Step Three: Brag._ "I once caught a fish the size of of a barstool."

"Okay-why are you telling me this?"

Suddenly, it hit me. He was not being persuaded at all. He seemed indifferent to my master romantic trickery. I burst into tears.

Dr. Yap reached his hands towards my face, "Hey, don't cry." He said.

"How am I not supposed to?" I said, moaning into my hands.

"Ummmm," he hesitated, "Eat food?"

XXX

"Here you go." Mister-no- Doctor Yap handed me an apple at the bonfire, "An apple away keeps the dentist away!"

"Is that what you are?" I asked. "A dentist-doctor. Doctor-dentist?"

"Yup, you'd be surprised how many woodland creatures don't brush." There was a slight waver in his voice, like he was choking up.

Wow, he really cares about dental hygiene. Hot! "Can you see if I have cavities?"

"Sure," he said as he stabbed my gums with novacane. Soon it was really numb, "Imeghnotbashka?" I tried to flirt, but it came out as gibberish.

"Don't talk, I might cut you," he said while poking metal sticks in my mouth. After a few minutes he spoke: "Wow, I've never seen a mouth cleaner than yours!"

"Rooly? Ow. My moth is num." I said sitting back up.

"Oh yeah, it'll be like that for a while."

"Oh."

"You know, Tinath, I really felt like we shared a connection tonight." He said. "Or maybe it's just that I haven't talked to another humanoid in months."

"No, I fell it to!" I said. "I aways thogh that romance was a perfec eqation, but it's nah!" I mumbled/yelled.

"Oh, that's what you were doing earlier, yeah that freaked me out." He took another bite of his apple.

"It's nich to have a real connecion width someone." I said more coherently.

"The novacane is rubbing off." Dr. Yap said.

"Marry me!" I yelled, "I feel something for you!"

Yap widened his eyes. "No, Tinath. Your nice, but you just meet me! You're a princess too, go back to your castle."

He walked back off into the forest, away from me. I cried for sometime, eventually falling asleep.

XXX

When the sun awoke me, I was mad. "Ugh, I want to sleep!"

Then it hit me. _Go back to your castle._ I understood what he meant. I wasn't ready for this world, it was time to go home. I never will see Doctor Yap again. Well, at least not until my next appointment.

* * *

 **Sorry, I know it's not my best work. It's hard to write comedy, at least for me. I tried something new, though! It wasn't Jimmy and they didn't get together. Interesting? Eh, I tried. If you want to find some of my original work, go to this URL: Minafz**

Zarius:

Get off your butt so Pesto can stare at it. Endlessly. He will age gracefully

 **^ Thank this guy for getting me off my ass**

 **.**

Guest:

These stories have made my night. Yall are so wonderful

 **Aw, thanks! This comment made my night :)**

 **.**

SkaterGirl21:

I think I need to watch a lot of cats to erase this from my mind XD I'm kidding I loved the creativity and hard work that went into this I hope you do more !

 **I plan to cancel soon, but not before I get the rest of these suggestions and ideas out! Until then, enjoy those kitties :3**

.

Ms. KasPer:

Lol, this is too funny! Ooh! You know what I suggest? Make some centered around people she ships irl (even if they aren't actual couples). Like in that one episode where she ran around the cafeteria reading her EFF out to the kids and mentioned something between two teachers, both of whom were chasing her. Dooo eeet. Please

 **My, my. Someone guessed the next chapter….**

 **Thanks to everybody who reads this! Have a nice day!**


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